In the fall of 2016, I attended a PTA board meeting at my daughter’s school and learned about a young girl named Sophia who was battling cancer. A parent on the board was making purple and orange bows to adorn mailboxes and doors, intending to raise funds for the family and awareness in the community. I purchased one of the bows and placed in on my mailbox. My heart was heavy but hopeful that Sophia would win her battle against cancer. In the months that followed, the community came together to support Sophia and her family through vigils, blood drives, and various other gestures of support. Sadly, on April 5th, 2017, Sophia passed away after a tough year-long battle with cancer. She was six years old.
In the fall of 2018, I got to know the Kappen family through our kids’ participation in cross-country and school functions. Over the following years, my family participated in fundraising events such as Shine for Sophia, Light the Night to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. In 2020 Amy founded The Best Day Ever Foundation to provide grieving parents and families with resources and services that help them regain joyful moments after the loss of a child.
I must admit, until recently, I had never spoken frankly with Amy about the grief of losing a child. When I asked her what she wished people understood, she responded that it is important for people to remember your child. She explained that while death is traumatic, the grieving process for a parent who has lost a child is unique. A parent does not expect to outlive their children, so losing a child feels particularly out of order. Bereaved parents miss out on precious moments and the future plans they envisioned for their children. Even after some time has passed, a bereaved parent may not be prepared for sudden waves of sadness. These may be prompted by something as simple as hearing their child’s name, seeing another child with a resemblance to their own, or being asked how many children they have.
Amy has brought together a community of bereaved parents through the Best Day Ever Foundation. Beyond providing services and resources, the organization allows parents to share their experiences before, during, and after the loss of their child. She emphasized the importance of being with people who truly understand what you’re going through—people who can help you navigate the difficult emotions and challenges of grief. It is healing. Amy said that even when the group is separated for months, coming together is like a family reunion.
We often feel awkward and unsure when approaching a friend, neighbor, or family member who has lost a child. Amy suggests a few ways to interact. For example, you can simply say “hi,” continue talking about their child, and share memories or funny stories. If you’re at a loss for words, you can even express that by saying, “I don’t know what to say,” and then transition into a different conversation. It’s important to be patient with parents during this difficult time, as they are still trying to navigate their way through their grief.
National Bereaved Parents Awareness is observed in the month of July. If you or someone you know needs support contact The Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families or the Northern Kentucky Health Department.
Learn more about the Best Day Ever Foundation.
